Ordinary bores me. It is a dull hum in a busy world. What I would do to not have an ordinary life! If you want to change you have to do something about it. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Most of us meet this definition. We cry and complain about not having this awesome life but we don’t do anything to change our situation. Our heart wants these desires to come true but if we don’t make a logical path to those desires and follow through with action all we are doing is dreaming about one life, and living another. Unless you have tried and keep trying you have no right to complain. Why should anyone feel sorry for anyone not living how they want to live without putting any effort at all? We shouldn’t. If you want something, work for it, and depending on what it is you may have to put a ridiculous amount of effort into it, or it may be something that can come easily to you. Everything has a cost to it whether it is time, money, friends, family or whatever and if you are not willing to pay then you need to deal with it. Life isn’t easy, and it isn’t meant to be. The most fulfillment you can get from something usually comes from the things you struggled with the most but overcame. We are not entitled to anything we did not work for. Okay, rant over.
My number one battle is against Doubt. It is a fight against what I want to achieve versus what I think I can achieve. I have never really had much confidence in myself and I always underestimate myself and the things I create. I feel like most things I make are only so-so and not spectacular. One thing I can tell you is that I have amazing people around me that show me different. They boost me up and make me see that the work I do is actually better than so-so. It still may not be the best but it isn’t as bad as I think it is. Right now I’m a journey of self-discovery. I am trying to find what I would love to do for the rest of my life, what career I will have and how we will raise our daughter. I really want to break free from a 9 to 5 job and be able to be my own boss, work my own schedule and not just work a system like Uber where the payout isn’t all that great. I’m talking about having a successful blog, maybe write a book or two, or something else online. Maybe I could just bee a freelance writer. At this point, I’m not sure, but I know that I want to be able to have more family time. I also want to be able to help my wife reach her dream of having a nice self-sustaining homestead complete with farm animals and garden, especially with Bessie the cow providing us some fresh milk! Doubt gets in the way of all of this because we are comfortable with taking to risk. We grow complacent in where we are and when we have an idea we tend to quickly shut it down because it doesn’t fit into our current lifestyle. If we are going to reach our dreams, reach our goals, we need to ditch doubt and believe that we are capable of doing a lot more than what we give ourselves credit for.
Today I don’t feel like doing squat! I just want to sit back and relax. I wouldn’t mind a long drive down a coastal highway or a nice quiet retreat into the woods. I’ll bring my fishing poles while I’m at it and who cares if a catch anything or not because I wouldn’t be at work today. I’d rather be sitting with my wife, holding her just doing nothing at all than being at this place of forced productivity. Building blocks with my almost two-year-old or playing cars would satisfy my desire to be doing anything but work. Why is is that we work to live? I wish I could be in a situation where I live to work, and live to play, and live just to live. I dream of being able to wake up with my wife every day just to spend the majority of the day with her and my child. I desire to not have to feel the need to have to work the majority of my time awake. Days like today are the days I dream the most of doing Squat!